I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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