her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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