Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
