hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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