Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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