No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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