hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize