What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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