apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
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