I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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