i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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