I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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