porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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