I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
