We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
