i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
