I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
