This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
