census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize