This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
