John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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