Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
