I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
