I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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