Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize