you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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