ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
