Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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