I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
