I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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