im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
