One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
