piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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