Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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