You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
