The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
