im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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