My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
