We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
