I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I believe in your delicious
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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