I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
