I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Drake has all the answers
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
