the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
