how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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