he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
