PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize