I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
