dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
