Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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