Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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