I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
