I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
