oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
