It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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