i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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