yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize