hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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