i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
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