You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
