I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
