have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
