it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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