I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
