I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
