it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
