You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize