Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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