Soap is not a condiment
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
