In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
