I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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