i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
