What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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