Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
