i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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