Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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