I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
