Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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