i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
