I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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