Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm both gender and math confused
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