Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
