I'm drive I can fine osifer
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
