Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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