she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
kristin has been a bad kristin
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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