btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
