and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize