so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
