Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
