I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
