there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
