if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
