I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
