dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
