my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize